Well it’s been a few weeks since I posted. It’s been a fabulous Easter, April Fool’s Day and dawn of the new tax year for me. I jest of course. All very uneventful here in the life of Ian Different.
But Utilico never ceases to keep me on edge.
Forget all our financial scandals and characters new and old for a while.
Back onto our good old Chief Executive, Alec Smart. His usual smooth, unruffled, Teflon coated exterior was well and truly tested this week.
Despite all our troubles, we seem to have had a fabulous year financially. So a party was held last night for our senior, and sales, staff.
It all started as it always does. Swanky West End hotel, great nibbles, free flowing drinks. Alec made his State of the Nation address.
I fully expected him to disappear with Sheila Gree our Head of HR and, as you know, his love interest, as soon as he felt it was wise to do so.
But oh dear me! A new senior sales manager seemed to have taken a shine to Sheila. Well more than a shine. Whilst he was probably just trying to climb the career ladder I’m also pretty sure he was trying to climb Sheila. I may think she is an awkward bird like woman but this particular guy seemed to genuinely like her. Maybe it was a power thing. Or maybe I just don’t get it. After all Alec maybe a bit portly but he has charm and power and money that could attract a lot of ladies and he chooses Sheila.
Well this sales manager got more and more insistent and amorous with Sheila. To be honest, she seemed to be rather liking it.
Alec did not like it. He got redder and redder and was clearly seething under his stiff collar.
He tried various tactics to get Sheila away. But none of them seemed to work. I’m guessing but I suspect that was because Sheila was really rather enjoying the attention and probably fancied the sales manager a lot more than she did Alec.
Well all of a sudden that medicaid cool of Alec’s went out of the window.
He shoved the sales manager into a wall and came out with such a stream of expletives I almost choked on my G&T. Apparently the sales manager was so useless he would never find another job – or his testicles – again. I have to say that every second word Alec used was quite foul. But the other word was pretty clear!
The sales manager was quite calm in the face of this onslaught. He looked like he thought about punching Alec but clearly thought better of it. Instead he just held up his hands and walked out saying “I didn’t realise she was your bird”. Funny that – given her bird like appearance. Remember Lyle’s “a pig poking a pigeon”?
Lyle of course was lapping this up. It was usually him that was the cause of kerfuffle at Utilico dos – usually for harassing younger ladies. This was a new one on all of us.
Alec and Sheila then disappeared. The gossip mill went into overdrive.
Suddenly Lyle grabbed the mic from the DJ and announced to those still left: “hey guys and gals, Percy Sledge is dead. Here is a tribute to him. And an ode to Alec!”. With that, the lyrics of poor Percy RIP rang through the room:
“When a man loves a woman,
Can’t keep his mind on nothin’ else…”